Hi, my name is Katlynn and I have Trichotillomania.

A little background, from www.trich.org

Trichotillomania, also known as trich, is currently defined as an obsessive-compulsive related disorder but there are still questions about how it should be classified. Most recently, it is being conceptualized as part of a family body-focused repetitive behaviours (BFRBs) along with skin picking and nail biting.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always felt a need to play with and fix my hair. Sometimes I’ve been able to identify the reason; when I find split ends, or when I am positive that it is a gray hair, for example. Unfortunately, more often than not I find myself just mindlessly pulling my hair.

Before this blog, a VERY select group of people knew about my trich.

I am still trying to pinpoint the exact trigger(s) behind this, but tonight I cut my hair. More specifically my bangs. I cut them fairly short and combined with my already short damage zones I think it is a little too far out of my comfort zone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about letting other people know about this part of me, this part of my mental health, and I finally, after reading a post on Facebook by one of my elementary school teachers I  realized that this is the best time, today specifically is the best day.

I know that talking about my mental illnesses, specifically this aspect of it, one that is actually visible, and that I have spent so long trying to hid from everyone, is not going to make it go away.

Some days are going to be better than others, some days are going to be much worse, and I know that how I feel about letting everyone in on my secret will change from day to day, but I know, that it is a step in the right direction. It is the first step towards coming to peace with who I am.

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Happy New Year

The holidays are always the best and the worst time of the year for me. I love the romantic side; the theory behind the holiday if you will. But I detest the actual holiday. We spend so much time and money on presents, and wrapping presents, wondering if the recipient will like/want/enjoy it, and two seconds after unwrapping, it’s already over. 

New Years Eve is another big let down. The only times I remember being super excited (ok, more like ecstatic) about midnight was the couple of times I was super drunk at midnight. When you are that drunk, everything is exciting. 

Every other time it felt like any other night. 

This year was no exception. It was fun, getting drunk and playing cards with my fiancé and his brothers, ringing in the new year with my over tired son and niece. 

But the expectation that I grew up with wasn’t there. I suppose I allowed myself to put such a high level of excitement on New Years that I can almost never live up to it. Or maybe society as a whole shouldn’t make the new year out to be a huge deal. After all; it happens every year. 

Anyways. My ‘new year’ is usually in September. I always found it relaxing to start fresh each and every school year. With new school goals, and new school supplies. It’s my favourite time of year.