A first look.

I think it is time that I push myself farther than I think I can go.

I know that my Trich is primarily a direct reaction to my extreme anxiety and childhood PTSD. I am tired of always hiding the evidence 100%. This picture doesn’t show the worst spot, but it is the best I was able to convince myself to post.

I want to learn how to control the urges. I want to fight back. This is the next step.

Maybe I’ll post a ‘better’ view in a couple of weeks, and hopefully it will have grown in some.

Advertisements

What a Girl Wants

Is it weird that this movie is one of my all time favourites?

I remember watching this movie as a pre/young teen and wanting to be Amanda Bynes. Even though I love my dad, and wouldn’t want to have not had him around when I was growing up.

I kind of fell in love with the whole thing. From the England tourist scenes, to meeting the queen, falling in love with the super cute English guitar player, to the parents finally getting married, but the most heart-string-pulling moment was the father-daughter dance–in The States (you know the one).

I often get annoyed when someone tells me that a movie sucks. For a while, I couldn’t even pinpoint why. Until recently, when I realized that it was because in most cases a large portion- I’ll guesstimate between 40 and 60 percent– of why we like or dislike a movie isn’t because of bad acting or poor directing. That portion is governed by how much we connect to the movie.

If I am deathly afraid of the water, Jaws is more likely to get a lower ‘score’ from me, than someone who isn’t afraid.

The same can be said for rom-coms. My MIL, is very against parents splitting up and getting divorced, so a movie about separated families and one of both parents finding new love- will rate much lower for her than for me- a product of a ‘broken’ home.

We should remember this in all aspects of life. Nothing will ever appear the exact same to any two people. We all have walked different paths to get where we are and our views reflect our unique journeys.

A small meaningless rock to you, will bring back memories of rock collecting with my dad.

We will never truly know someone else. Why do we continue to act like we do?

Love Me Challenge: Day Eight

lovemechallenge

Share a scar

I have a scar on my right knee. I got it on Father’s Day 1998. My Dad and I were riding our bikes across a high school track–one that had that black rock/dirt mix, and I wiped out. My leg was bleeding so bad, there was blood everywhere! But of course, typical me (even at eight years old), I stubbornly refused to let my dad leave our bikes, and carry me home. He had just bought me this bike for Easter.

Side note: Instead of a shit ton of chocolate and candy for Easter, dad always got us some sort of gift, usually something that would get us active. Which, in hindsight is a pretty sneaky alternative for the candy. Good job dad.

So, I rode the whole way home (about a ten minute ride), and ‘saved’ my bike. Boy did I look like a mess when I got home. My dad’s girlfriend freaked out when she saw me and I had a bandage on my leg for weeks. Luckily nothing too deep, so no hospital trip for me.

  

  

Me

I sit, I cry,
Tears stream down my eyes.
I want, I wish,
To die like my fish.
I stand, I stare,
At my family waiting there.
I hope, I pray,
They have nothing to say
I kneel, I reach
The deadly reach
I stop, I wait,
Is this my fate?
I think, I smile,
I’ll stay for a while.

SKThompson, 2004

Love Me Challenge: Day Six

lovemechallenge

A note to your future You

I guess the most important thing to say to my future self is to always remember that every challenge you faced in the past was one that you thought was going to break you, but you didn’t let it. Every time you fell down you thought you wouldn’t be able to get up, but you did. Every time someone made you feel worthless, you proved them wrong. Every time you made a mistake and thought it was the end of the world, you realised that it wasn’t. Every time you thought you were completely alone, someone stood by you. Every time you felt that there was no way out, you found one.

By reading this, you have proved yourself wrong. You have overcome the impossible obstacles that were in your way. Regardless of how long it has been since that ‘impossible obstacle’, you past it. There will be new challenges that may slow you down, make you feel like life is over, but you are proof, that nothing can stop you.

Oh, Brother.

Alright. This may be a long one.

I’ll start where Family Secrets left off.

Obviously the first thing I do when I’m told of the rumor that I have a brother is look him up on Facebook. What did we do before the internet?

It wasn’t hard to find him, I knew his first and last name and that his cousin was friends with my cousin.

I started to creep his pictures–I needed to see if he was my brother, and somehow thought that I would just know if I saw the right picture. 

And then I saw the picture. And at that moment I knew, I knew that he was my brother.  

 Charles

The resemblance is uncanny. This boy, whose photos I have just creeped on Facebook, who (at the time) may or may not have been my brother, looks quite like my cousin, Michael [see below].

Michael

I was so sure of our relation in that moment that I (internally) got quite angry when people would point out that a picture is not proof. 

I knew I couldn’t explain the feeling, so I kept my feelings in check and let my family and friends tell me that I shouldn’t ‘get my hopes up’.

Regardless, I messaged him. Nothing too weird, just a simple ‘Hey, this may seam weird, but I heard a rumour that Bruce Thompson (my dad) may be your dad too.’

He responded with ‘Yeah, I’ve heard that rumour, lol’.

From there we talked about the possibility of us being siblings, our feelings about it, and how to go about confirming it. Do you know how sketchy some DNA testing sites look? I never had a need for DNA testing so it was never something I’ve looked into before, but with a little research we set up an appointment for my dad and him to go in and get the test done.
We found out in October 2014 that we were officially siblings and I couldn’t have been happier. He’s a great guy, we’ve and our conversations have only gotten better. 

Although I only just got the chance to meet him this past July, and only got a couple of days to hang out (that’s a post for another day), I know that our relationship is only going to get better. 

Bring Life

Bring life,
Bring life to the tired souls
Occupy the minds of the youth
Train them to obey
Synchronize the changing  of the tide
Freeze the sun’s rays
Hide behind the shadows of the feeble
Stand up to the Great Lion
Bring life,
Now take it all away

SKThompson, 2008

A Little Piece of Myself.

I’ve been writing poetry on and off for over a decade. Some poems I think are childish, others I think are amazing. I’ve been told I am my harshest critic. I figured, since I’ve broken the silence about my mental disorders, I may as well share my poetry.

I’m thinking of starting with once a week for poems. Let’s say Sundays. They will be a mixture of old and new poems; all written by me.

Lifetime Bucket List

As a lifelong learner and lover of books I figured I should have a bucket list. A list of goals that I would like to achieve in my lifetime.

  1. Become a wife.
  2. Become a mother. [August 2nd, 2012]
  3. Stand under the Eiffel tower.
  4. Fly in an airplane. [That I remember: April 28th, 2015]
  5. Bungy Jump.
  6. Visit Mickey Mouse at Disney World. [May 4th, 2015]
  7. Own a house.
  8. Swim with Dolphins
  9. Be a bridesmaid