A first look.

I think it is time that I push myself farther than I think I can go.

I know that my Trich is primarily a direct reaction to my extreme anxiety and childhood PTSD. I am tired of always hiding the evidence 100%. This picture doesn’t show the worst spot, but it is the best I was able to convince myself to post.

I want to learn how to control the urges. I want to fight back. This is the next step.

Maybe I’ll post a ‘better’ view in a couple of weeks, and hopefully it will have grown in some.

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Hi, my name is Katlynn and I have Trichotillomania.

A little background, from www.trich.org

Trichotillomania, also known as trich, is currently defined as an obsessive-compulsive related disorder but there are still questions about how it should be classified. Most recently, it is being conceptualized as part of a family body-focused repetitive behaviours (BFRBs) along with skin picking and nail biting.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always felt a need to play with and fix my hair. Sometimes I’ve been able to identify the reason; when I find split ends, or when I am positive that it is a gray hair, for example. Unfortunately, more often than not I find myself just mindlessly pulling my hair.

Before this blog, a VERY select group of people knew about my trich.

I am still trying to pinpoint the exact trigger(s) behind this, but tonight I cut my hair. More specifically my bangs. I cut them fairly short and combined with my already short damage zones I think it is a little too far out of my comfort zone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about letting other people know about this part of me, this part of my mental health, and I finally, after reading a post on Facebook by one of my elementary school teachers I  realized that this is the best time, today specifically is the best day.

I know that talking about my mental illnesses, specifically this aspect of it, one that is actually visible, and that I have spent so long trying to hid from everyone, is not going to make it go away.

Some days are going to be better than others, some days are going to be much worse, and I know that how I feel about letting everyone in on my secret will change from day to day, but I know, that it is a step in the right direction. It is the first step towards coming to peace with who I am.